Good News! Kameron starts school on Tuesday!

Today was our BIG meeting with the school to further discuss Kameron's grade placement in public school. It has been a longer and more frustrating process than we had EVER anticipated. We did our homework well before ever bringing Kameron home. What we were told to expect and what actually occurred, were two very different things. There have been a lot of discussions, research, tears and frustration. But despite it all, Kameron's resolve to go to school has persisted.  

This morning's meeting went very well. Each side heard one another out, compromises were made, and it was a friendly and upbeat meeting. Which, when you are prepared to battle, is a nice and unexpected pleasantry.

All of us (from the school administrators to Kameron himself) are happy with the decision. With the information we have, it is likely the best placement we can make-- all things considered.

On Tuesday, Kameron will start his first day of 7th grade at our local middle school. He is thrilled and so are we. He will start a staggered (late start) schedule this quarter and will be placed in classes that are built to help him have the most resources and be the most successful. We were pleased at how much consideration the school and principal (and district) have made to do what is best for Kameron and is most likely to set him up for success.

So we are all quite excited over here! Praise God for resolution and the ability to now move forward! Now we shop for school supplies, first day of school clothes, and start explaining American school system things like "you have to raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom" (instead of just going).

We expect there to be some fatigue on Kameron's part, and some discomforts as we all adjust to new schedules and school. We ask for continued prayers for our family as we embrace ONE MORE adjustment (but seriously guys, when is our life EVER calm and tame?!?)

And, as a side note, I have to brag on Kameron a bit. I was NEARLY IN TEARS last night, when he read me one of Noah's books in English. It was basic, but he was READING ENGLISH, ya'll!! He has been home 9 weeks today. I was blown away by this boys brilliance!

And big thank you's to our friends and family who have helped support us through all of this. (and especially YOU, Mr. Minion! :) -- you know who you are) Thank you for the prayers. We serve a big God who is always good. And we are praising him! Today has been a very GOOD day.

Growth and Roadblocks

This past week Kameron made a big announcement to us. He said "Mom, dad I want to go to school like my brothers do!" We had told him prior, that if he wanted to go to public school, to let us know. At the time of him first coming home, he loved the idea of daddy homeschooling him. But he misses the structure of school like he had in China. We told him we would look into it the next week, but we wanted him to be absolutely sure he wanted to try and wouldn't change his mind. His resolve on this has persisted. Despite the unexpected storms we have run into. So we started the process to get him enrolled.

We have hit some pretty harsh roadblocks. We had hoped to enroll him near grade level where he was in China. But are being told that it isn't possible-- that he must be placed in 8th grade, no matter what. The difficult thing here-- this isn't a consistent rule around the country nor in our own state or within schools within our same district. We are trying to do our best to advocate for Kameron. And it has been frustrating and exhausting. Please pray for us as we do our best to advocate for Kameron's education.

Kameron had a good week. We are seeing such continual progress. All of the boys have settled down a bit more and are feeling more comfortable around one another. I am personally praising God for this. We had a hard morning today-- but for the most part it was rather mild, and I can see such GROWTH from where we have come. It was also the first time that both Jesse and I felt courageous. That WE have GOT this. And that we had faith in our strength and resolve to weather the hard stuff. God has certainly proven he is near, good, and faithful to all of us.

Today, Jesse Jay and Toby were thrilled to get actual haircuts from a professional-- and not mom! They were patiently waiting to see Ms. Dawn again. Because, well, mommy just doesn't do as good of a job. They were thrilled and they look so daper!

The boys continue with their bonding and understanding of one another. It has been tiring being constant referee's (for Jesse and I) between sibling relationships. But we are seeing more kindness and regard for one another, which is HUGE! The little brothers are pretty smitten and obsessed with Kameron. They are constantly mimicking him. They want to be JUST like him. Which, can be overwhelming. But their love for one another is obvious.

We were told in China that Kameron loves basketball. He has refused to go play since we have been home. He has been feeling more adventurous these days and loves shooting hoops at the school in our backyard now. It has been great finding an active outlet for his energy, that he enjoys.

Please continue with your prayers and encouragement for our family. We are sincerely hoping we will have these details about school settled for Kameron as soon as possible. We have an important meeting on Tuesday afternoon that we are sincerely hoping brings clarity, and the best outcome possible for our boy for his education. 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Sometimes, it is easier to be silent. Because sometimes things are pretty uncomfortable, crummy, or just plain miserable.

That has been our past two weeks.

Now, to be completely fair, they were not all bad days. We had some pretty great days in the mix. But the bad days were absolutely heart and gut wrenching. For awhile, things seemed to only be getting worse. And the combination of the high-highs and low-lows make it difficult to have any certainty about where things stand. And they are just plain emotionally exhausting!

But something changed. All of a sudden, we had a new understanding of our sweet boy who has been through so much. And we are also beginnng to see more of the adventurous and fun-loving boy who we first met in Kunming. Praise the Lord!

Suddenly this disinterest in going anywhere has led to "Mom, when are you taking me out for noodles again?" He is feeling safe! This is HUGE progress! And he specifically asked to go to church with us this past Sunday. We toured the church and watched and played with little brothers to figure out what this huge place really was. And Kameron admitted he *gasp* "had fun." Something he assured me of just weeks ago was that "church is boring."

I took Kameron on his first mom and son date to a Vietnamese resturant in town with excellent noodles, Kameron's favorite. Which he loved! Then Flying M Coffee and a trip to the Asian Grocery Store. He liked it! And is currently trying to persuade me that this needs to happen on a daily occurence.

I see more instances of us giving one another patience and grace. If something happens where I am concerned he is being unkind, if I am patient and wait, I see him go out of his way to make it right. He loves to joke and tease. But we need to work on when it is funny and when it goes too far. It amazes me how much of that is very cultural. There are things in China one would tease another about, that is socially acceptable. But here in America, we consider it offensive. 

We still have some boundary testing. But we can see him relaxing more. Which means we are relaxing more. He has made huge strides since we have come home. He is starting to speak some sentences in English. And he can write some simple words in English. He is currently begging us to go to school with his brothers. Which we are excited about,  but also very nervous! We want to be sure this is best for him. Please pray for us for guidance as we navigate another change in our lives.

And ya'll.. It has been 7 weeks since we came home! We are continually learning so much from one another. Growth is HARD. And it sure HURTS sometimes. But for now, the clouds have parted a bit and we are starting to see some rays of sunshine!And we are continually praising God for his faithfulness and his goodness.

Science experiments with Daddy

Jesse, snuggling Jesse Jay and Toby

Kameron helping Dad mend a broken screen

Aunt Kimmie lightsabering Noah.

Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. And to our friends and family who we all know love us and care for us deeply--- thank you for hanging in there with us! We love and miss you all deeply! We know so many of you are excited and thrilled to meet Kameron. And we hope with some time, we can introduce you all to him soon.

What China Taught Us

I have had China deeply on my heart ever since our plane first landed in Hong Kong. We immensely enjoyed our time there and it taught Jesse and I so much. I have felt a tug on my heart to share these lessons with you all, our prayer and encouragement warriors.

1.       Lesson #1—We in America live a life in abundance.

Literally, we own and have so much stuff here in the US compared to other countries, that the differences were absolutely astonishing! Our house in America, is nothing short of a mansion in China. In China, families consisting of grandparents, parents, and 1-2 kids are raised in a 2 bedroom 600 square foot apartment. You are considered “wealthy” if you own your own (single automobile per family) car or a scooter. Aside from a few basic needs like food and clothing, most children are “lucky” if they have a few toys of their own.

Our guide in province told us many times that it is commonly said that “the Chinese people are very poor. We have nothing.” And China, is not a 3^rd world country! Also, to “own” your home in China is really a 70 year lease issued by the Chinese government. After those 70 years are up, the People’s Republic of China decides if you keep your apartment, if your rent goes up, etc. So when leases are up, there is generally a lot of stress and uncertainty for the entire family line. In China, homes are generally passed down to the next generation and whole families often live together—until the time limit is up.

2.       Lesson #2—Access to Emergent Health Care is not necessarily universally available.

We learned in China, that if you are ill or have an emergent/life threatening condition, it is generally required for you to pay up front those costs prior to being taken care of. As in, if Jesse or I had developed appendicitis in China, they generally require some costs (and sometimes full payment) upfront before proceeding with the life-saving procedure. However, this also varies by location and province. Which brings us to lesson #3.

3.       Lesson #3—Policy/expectations and procedures not only vary from province to province, but sometimes city to city, or from moment to moment.

Prior to coming to China, we were told that we would likely be able to meet up with our son’s foster family if we requested to do so ahead of time. This was good valid information from other adoptive (recent) momma’s who had also adopted from China.

However, when we asked that the foster family be invited to meet us in one of our quarterly Kameron updates, we were told “we won’t do that as to not cause unnecessary trouble for the foster family.” We thought that was an odd response. So when we arrived in Kunming, we again asked our guide (whom we developed a deep trust and respect for) and were told that it was “forbidden to meet foster parents in Kunming during the adoption process.” It is, we were told, the Kunming SWI orphanage policy. And we would have to return to China at a later date for a “heritage tour” to meet them. No other information would be given as to why. Meanwhile, a fellow Lifeline family we met while in Guangzhou, was having dinner with their daughter’s foster parents in Nanjing.

We talked to other (Kunming) adoptive parents who traveled near our travel time, who were told similar and also varying things. However, the consistent thing was none of us were able to meet with the foster parents.

There were two other adoptive couples who used other agencies than we had, with us in Kunming. They, however, got to meet with one of their foster families—but their orphanage was a couple hours away—but still in Yunnan Province. How they describe that orphanage was night and day to what we experienced in Kunming. It was very easy for us to see why Kunming was rated “in the top 3 orphanages” in all of China, after hearing these stories.

Jesse and I had committed prior to our trip to being go with the flow. Especially, while in country and traveling our very first time internationally. Thereby, embracing whatever came our way and keeping expectations in country very low. We are so glad we did that, because so much unexpected (and impossible to plan for or know ahead of time) came up—that if we had walked into these situations with pre-conceived notions, would have added unnecessary disappointment and undue stress.

4.       Lesson #4—In America, we have so much more freedom and right to privacy.

I absolutely loved our time in China. But one thing that I found peculiar, was literally EVERY street corner where we were staying, had video cameras. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Which to us American’s—who had never traveled outside of the US until this trip, was certainly sticking out like a sore thumb.

Also, every hotel we stayed at required our passport. Which was promptly photocopied and the information was sent directly to the central government in China. We had all kinds of warnings on our immigration paperwork—to “carry your passport with you at ALL times. As this may be asked of and expected of you at any time.” As well as “contact our very capable and honorable police department at XXX should we have any emergencies or concerns while in China.”

Our very first day in Guangzhou, there was an important soccer game against China and the United Arab Emirates. Our hotel was full of folks from every corner of the world. The game was played in the hotel lobby with much loudness and gusto. When Jesse took a few steps out of our hotel, and saw over 50 armed police/military personnel “at the ready” with armor and guns—he decided it was a night to stay in. And all of that over a soccer game and the potential that it “might get out of hand.” Thankfully, it never did.

5.       Lesson #5—While we certainly do things differently, at the end of the day, we have more in common than we might think.

While we may eat with forks and they tend to prefer chopsticks (though there was definitely forks in China and being utilized by every person, regardless of where they were from); We tend to have many of the same values as many of the folks we encountered and had the opportunity to develop relationships with in China. They care about their children, their culture, their homes, their families-- just like we do. How we demonstrate that, parenting “philosophies”, all vary. Just like it can family to family, child-to-child, and region to region here in America.

Communication, was certainly difficult for Jesse and I while in China. Kameron, was a HUGE help for us in country and did a pretty good job filling in the locals about what mom and dad were after, if we were struggling. Thankfully, much of communication is non-verbal and it is impressive how much a good amount of charades can help one out. Also, Pleco and Google Translate Apps came in handy when we simply needed to convey to the restaurant “take out.” But somethings translated EASILY no matter what—and that was numbers, time, and money. “5” there means “5” here. Now, “worth” certainly varies—but it was comforting to see something we recognized—because the vast amounts of Chinese characters—could be overwhelming. Those moments, we try to remember—because that is exactly how Kameron must feel now, being in America.

__________________________________________________________________________

In terms of how things are going here, well-- we have had our most difficult week to date. We are thankful for good friends, supportive and helpful adoptive momma's who have encouraged, and an amazing adoption agency who helps support us through it all. The good and the hard. The joys and the challenges. Please continue to pray for us. And please continue to send encouragement our way. I cannot express enough how much these things have helped sustain us through some tough times. 

There are always moments though, that are simply amazing and inspiring-- that things won't always be so difficult:

Kameron helped bathe and brush Maddy

Petting and feeding goats at the Boise Zoo

The older three boys playing at West Park

So far no appliances have broken this week. Praise the Lord! Please continue to pray for our family as we continue to navigate these waters. I will leave you with this quote that really helps express what we learned the most during our time in China:

We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – Radical by David Platt.

The Brokenness

We were so fortunate. We planned and anticipated that the holidays would be difficult and overwhelming. With all those firsts: birthday, Christmas, first x5 weeks home-- it was a lot to take in. But we all did better than survived it, we seemed to thrive!

This week, however, has been much more of a struggle. As the newness of everything wears off and as language is starting to be understood better (but still is a struggle and nowhere near "fluent"), there have been many misunderstandings. And as everyone is starting to feel safe and secure and comfortable, it is causing conflict. The good news is-- that everyone feels comfortable enough to show their real feelings and frustrations, instead of just shutting down. We are also starting to see some more grief and experiencing moments of outright rejection. We know it comes from a place of deep pain. It's been tough and all of it has hit us at once.

Our 5th and 6th appliance have broken down. Our 5th being our washing machine (and the part we need to fix it is not able to get here till early next week, at the earliest) and the 6th being our brand new dishwasher. Seriously. It turned out to be an electrical issue that thankfully, Jesse was able to fix.

Thank the Lord for wonderful and faithful friends and family! Once again, our community has stepped in to ease our burdens. Even when we say "I think we can handle all of this," they know exactly what to say, what to do to ease our troubles, and to provide support. In ways that help us tremendously during this cocooning season. Thank you just doesn't seem to cover it. But thank you for the love, light, hope, and encouragement you all shed on our family!

But even in the hard, there have been more beautiful moments than hard ones. And we are continually thanking God. And we try to focus on these moments. These kairos moments:

The boys enjoyed silly string. Kameron said, "Look mommy! Toby cake!"

Reading Garfield comics with Daddy.

Noah and Kameron having light saber fights. He is incredibly gentle with the littlest Maddux

The family enjoying BBQ for dinner. Kameron loved the ribs! True Southern boy at heart!

Kameron and Daddy (and Maddy, our dog) playing. As you can see Kameron is a natural Maddux and has a GREAT sense of humor. And, as always, Jesse is a wonderful dad and a good sport1

Toby got this Lego set for Christmas. Kameron offered to build it for him. Toby was so grateful, he gave him his dragon. Lots of gift giving around here these days.

Toby cheesing it up for the camera. Mr. Casanova.

All of the boys are loving the new trampoline. It is below freezing (and will be here for some time) in Idaho. So it is tough to get exercise and vitamin D in that can help with mood. But this trampoline has been a definite GOOD thing.

Despite the hard. The tough. The ugly-sides. The rough. The broken. The hurt. The rotten. The ragged parts of us that sometimes just are not easy to love. God is GOOD and faithful. And we will rest in his love, his peace, and his hope.

Happy Birthday, Kameron and Christmas

On Monday, Kameron turned 14 years old. This was his very first time celebrating his birthday. So we definitely wanted to make this one special! The day before, we took him to Wahooz, a family fun place here in Idaho (ie: games, go karts, laser tag). He was so excited to go! Luckily, the weather cleared and the place was empty. The boys got to play laser tag 15 minute games at a time and had the place all to themselves!

Playing games at Wahooz

Go-karts were a huge hit!

Mini-golf was alright. The boys absolute favorite was getting multiple golf balls to throw into the last hole where, if you get it in correctly, a tiki statue blows fire out of its head. They seriously did this well over 30 times! Thank you to the exceptionally patient and tolerant staff at Wahooz who just went with it.

The next day, mom got off work early to come home and make the birthday boy his favorite meal and a special cake. The catch was, his favorite meal, is "hot pot." Some of you may know what that is, but we didn't. The entire time we were in China, he didn't ask for or eat it once. We were in over our heads!

Thankfully, our community absolutely rocks! Friends who knew about hot pot and a friend from China who attends NNU were able to guide us (literally showed me what to buy at the Asian Grocery store) and lend us tools and tips on how to make it. Ya'll, I was assured it would turn out great. I had faith my friends knew their stuff. But I was terrified! I wanted to make our boy something amazing. And I had never eaten hot pot in my life. Let alone really knew what it was!

As I am getting ready to prepare myself to make this meal, our dishwasher suddenly made an odd noise and water started flooding our kitchen floor! Luckily, Jesse saw it right away and grabbed towels while turning it off. 

This is now our forth appliance to break on us since the adoption. The forth! And it was all so ridiculous, that I started laughing. Because it was terrible timing! But what could we do? Momma was making our boy his birthday meal and cake, come hell or high water! 

And despite our lack of hot water (because not only did the dishwasher break, but it took a toll on the o-ring and caused a gyser there.. Because of course it did) and ability to process dishes, we made our boy his favorite meal! Mommy got a big smile, a thumbs up, and a "this is GOOD!" 

That beauty in the bowl-like skillet, is my very first hot pot. Ridiculously easy to make (once you have the right ingredients) and smelled amazing! It tasted, even better! It is served often with noodles. The next time I make it, I will be posting a recipe (and what to buy) tutorial. It was not anywhere near as hard as I thought! But I am told a good hot pot sauce is hard to come by and not immediately available in most of our specialty markets in Idaho.

After dinner, Kameron opened presents. I was so proud of Jesse Jay and Toby! They spent their own money to get him birthday presents, and oh did he LOVE them!

And afterwards, there was cake. Complete with some of Kameron's favorite things... Minions, and stuffed with bananas and pineapple.

After the birthday festivities came to an end, we kept things as simple as possible and tried to keep expectations a bit low and stay home even more. A birthday followed by Christmas a few days later can be a trigger for behaviors for our child with autism/sensory processing disorder, but also the same is true for an adopted child. And holidays, naturally, are a bit overwhelming themselves. And these are all firsts for Kameron.

On Christmas Eve, we and the kiddos got to celebrate Christmas with the Idaho cousins and Grandma Rose (and her birthday!) We limit our outings right now to family and short periods. It has been nice letting them get to know the newest Maddux a little bit more. Kameron loves wrapping presents-- his love language is definitely high in gift giving! He enjoyed helping mom get presents ready for everyone. 

Happy birthday, grandma Rose!!

The grandkids enjoying jello with fruit cocktail for grandma's birthday.

Jesse Jay snuggling grandma.

Kameron loved playing this game with "my daddy." You push down a tooth. But if you pick the wrong one, he bites!

After the festivities and present exchange with the cousins and grandma, we had a HUGE snow fall in Idaho just in time for a white Christmas. Kameron, daddy, and brothers played in it and enjoyed making their first snowmen. Or, rather, giant snowball face....

And after a low key dinner of pizza and peaches (per the boys request), it was showers and fresh Christmas jammies and slippers for the boys:

Jesse is doing a slumber party upstairs with him and the three older boys in their little pop up tents. Surprisingly, they sleep really well that way. Mom got some much needed quiet time. I cannot tell you enough how amazing Jesse is with all our boys. And seeing him with Kameron.. There aren't words adequate to describe it. It is just so beautiful. 

Then, Christmas morning was upon us. I was shocked how well all the boys did. Despite mom and dad letting them eat whatever they wanted all morning (IE: candy, candy, ohhhh.. And more candy!) and encountering new people, new situations, and traditions. 

And of course, their was a certain gift that was definitely a huge hit....

We always swore that we would never ever buy a trampoline. But with 4 energetic boys, this suddenly became a need! Had it not been so cold, they would have stayed out their for hours!

Christmas dinner was a melding of two cuisines: Part American traditional, part Chinese. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans. As well as spicy noodles with shrimp, tofu, and fishballs and spicy cucumbers. With Martinelli's apple cider and Fanta (Fanta and Coke are huge in China. Kameron loves them.)

Tonight, we are exhausted after such a busy and exciting week. Our hearts are full. Kameron is home! And we feel so richly blessed because of it.

For the Love of Chopsticks (and Chinese Food)

We are all getting so excited these days! Excited for Kameron's 14th birthday on Monday and for Christmas on Friday. Presents are starting to appear under the tree (thank you Amazon for helping this mom be able to shop this year-- alright. Who am I kidding, it is EVERY year :) ). When a free moment allows, we try to bake something-- that way it feels more like Christmas.

But I still feel the pull of how BEHIND I am. How a lot is coming together last minute. And then, I try and remember that-- it is IN FACT-- coming together. I have had so many to do's and not enough time. But, I try and push that all aside-- as it is our season of bonding. Christmas cards/letters will not be making their typical annual appearance. There is next Christmas for that. For this Christmas, we have MUCH to celebrate!

I have to say, ya'll we are having a lot of fun! I believe I have mentioned that Jesse and I are self-proclaimed foodies. We did not realize how adventurous we were with foods until our trip to China.(But not chicken feet or cow tongue-- kind of adventurous). And since being home, rediscovering the Asian Grocery store here in Nampa-- we have been having a lot fun figuring out some authentic dishes and trying to cook new recipes. Kameron, is also a foodie, but is very particular towards Chinese cuisine. He has openly embraced helping mom and dad figure out spices and what pairs well together. He really seems to enjoy it and so do we! We go to the Asian Grocery Store nearly every other day this week. We found Kameron's favorite noodles and all kinds of gems there. We are definitely bonding over our love for Chinese food. I actually find myself at work craving it!

Kameron loves spice. I know I have mentioned that fact a time or two. But here is an illustration: Do you see the two red glass jars that are side-by-side? Those are full of crushed red peppers in oil. That would normally take our family a year or so to eat through it. It took Kameron, literally, 5 days!! Now, he shares lots with mom and dad too-- but DANG!

 

Our lazy susan has a new look to it these day. Bamboo shoots in chili oil, crushed chili peppers, soy sauce, and rice vinegar are now staples for EVERY meal.

The boys are loving trying to eat with chopsticks. Jesse Jay is getting pretty good at it. Kameron, however, prefers to eat with a fork. He does seem to get a kick out of watching Noah try to eat with his chopsticks. (It really is the cutest thing in the history of ever).

And the boys continue to grow in their love for one another. My favorite, last night, was hearing Kameron play battleship with Jesse Jay. It was fun watching them play together. And so helpful for learning English. I giggled every time I heard "HIT!" or "MISS!"

Noah has learned about Piggyback rides from his oldest brother. So now, he likes getting piggyback rides too. Kameron, happily obliges to almost EVERY single one of his 2 year old brothers demands.

And Kameron and Toby-- are a bunch of hams. These two just play off one another and pretty soon--the banana's get involved in their shenanigans....

There are still moments of hard. And we expect that to continue. Grief is a natural part of adoption. But each day we see continued progress (and I do not mean in just Kameron-- all of us are learning to be more patient. To not jump to conclusions so fast. And growing in love and trust.) We see Kameron overcoming so much. As he learns the rules of the house. That mom and dad are not going anywhere. We can visibly see him relaxing. As you may be able to imagine, that means more testing of boundaries. Each time we go through something really hard, it leads us somewhere. To a more open part. To a more vulnerable part. To a part that clearly trusts us.

God is so good! There are some hard moments, sure. But all of it has been beautiful and such a blessing to live out.

Jesse Jay and Toby were recently invited on a fun outing, that they requested not to go to. Which was very atypical for them. When I asked why they didn't want to go, they responded, "Mom, we are really enjoying spending time with our brothers."

.. Well, of course you are. And as you can imagine, my momma heart is about to explode with happiness and fullness.