Thriving

School is officially out for EVERY Maddux boy for the 2015-2016 school year! Kameron has completed his last day of summer school and 7th grade, and he absolutely rocked it! Turns out summer school is much more laid back, more individualized for each student's unique needs, and the best part is that the kiddos earn prizes and candy! Kameron came home with a 30 dollar gift card today. He was so proud! And we are sure proud of all of his hard work!

Kameron's English is coming along very rapidly. Last month, he not only could pick out words in songs in English that he recognized, but actually points out words he doesn't recognize and asks what they mean. We were told that for most older international adopted kiddos that recognizing words in songs in English that they recognize, takes about a year. He has been home 7 months now. He really is one smart boy!

One of the very first things we learned about Kameron, was that he loved babies. He loved to play with them, to hold them, and was always very gentle with them. He has been a good big brother, but particularly so to our littlest Noah. This week he helped mom and dad out when Noah wouldn't eat his dinner by turning it into a game "Noah, you are a monster. Now open up and eat the train.. here it comes!"

Kameron feeding "the monster."

Carrying a sleepy baby into the store

Kameron and Jesse Jay both got straight A's (or the elementary school equivalent for that) this last semester. Toby got very good grades and perfect attendance. Both Jesse Jay and Toby are starting to read rather fluently. And Noah is loving having all these people who can read him his books! Kameron has started reading some books to Noah (in English) as well.

Toby with his kindergarten attendance award and certificate

Kameron's eye surgery for his strabismus has been moved up to July 7th. We ask that you please pray for him to not be anxious. He has experienced a fair bit of medical trauma in his life. I have been very impressed with his resolve to get his eye fixed. He has been very great about going to the hospital and is thrilled that they are going to let mom be with him the entire time he is awake (his only request). Of course, the after surgery McDonald's and Dutch Brothers he has been promised doesn't hurt either... :)

The older 3 boys are taking swimming lessons together this past week and a half. Watching them grow and learn together has been so rewarding! All 3 of them are starting to swim without assistance (IE: no swim belts!!). Kameron was very hesitant about having anything to do with pools or swimming for a long time. And now, he jumps in confidently with his brothers and swims for hours! Those boys would swim all day if we let them. And it is such a good way to get their energy out (and man, do they sleep hard!) Seeing the boys faces as they conquer their fears and learn new skills they couldn't do before... takes my breath away!!

Kameron, Jesse Jay, and Toby getting ready to jump in the pool for swim lessons

Many people continue to support and encourage us on our journey. Thank you seems hardly sufficient, but thank you so much for your continued love that you shower our family with! You continue to check in on us and ask how we are all doing. And I couldn't have more joy when I tell you we are all doing very well! A few months back, we had posted that our prayer was "that we wouldn't just survive this, but thrive." And oh, we are thriving! God has been so good and so faithful to our family!

All of the boys relationships continue to grow and blossom. And it has been absolutely beautiful to see. We have mostly good days, and some hard days-- but we are getting through them together as a family!

Boys and their bikes

Playing with friends on the trampoline

Three months ago, things got so difficult, we weren't really sure how we were going to survive it. Things were rough in every way imaginable. If you had told us that we would be doing this well this soon, I'd have said you were nuts! We couldn't imagine our family any other way now.

I love the little things too. This one (see below) in particular. One of Kameron's favorite song's right now is called, "Banana phone." Don't YouTube it. It's one of those repetitive songs that typically drives parent's up the wall. The first picture text I sent Kameron was this one of his brothers. It is so fun having "inside" jokes together.

Banana phones

Happy 6 months with our Kameron!

It has been quite awhile since I last updated on our journey. And I feel it is high time to update ya'll on our happenings. Lots and lots has happened. Our lives are certainly never, ever boring.

I can hardly believe that Kameron has been a Maddux for over 6 months now! In that time he has grown 5 inches, 3 shoe sizes, 2 clothes sizes and 15 lbs. And the personal growth he has had and the healing that has taken place already, has been absolutely astounding!

Kameron has been going to school for 3 months now and he has been flourishing there. He does quite well at school. His teachers all really like him. He is well liked by his peers. And he shares gum, food, and candy like nobody's business. This boy has got middle school all figured out! His language development has been impressive and rapid. Rare are the days where interpretation is needed. In fact, Kameron recently ROCKED his pediatric ophthalmology appointment a couple weeks ago and did NOT need an interpreter whatsoever!!

We received news from the pediatric ophthalmologist that Kameron most certainly has an ocular muscle palsy that he has likely had since birth. And the only option for it is surgery. We have scheduled the surgery for early August. He may need another surgery after that, depending on his recovery and any complications. But we were happy to hear that it is 99.9% that surgery will make his eye near perfect, and most certainly better!

Kameron at his eye doctor appointment. Determined to play the iPad despite his eyes being dilated. He had the entire waiting room laughing.

Kameron has been outstanding about it. I was worried he would be terrified of being in a hospital and with having surgery. He says he is good, just as long as mom can be with him the entire time he is awake. :) I am grateful for a great doctor and pediatric anesthesiology team in Boise who has agreed to let mom go back with him until he is asleep and to be there before they wake him up.

Kameron has had a lot more milestones and firsts I wanted to share (and remember when we look back on all of this one day).

Kameron's first award at school!! So proud of his hard work.

Kameron's first art project that he surprised mom with!

Kameron's 1st family portrait. Don't mind the 2 grumpy faces... :)

Kameron's 1st Big Mac, now his favorite hamburger.

Kameron's first Cake Pop. He says they are GOOD!

We also celebrated Toby turning 6 years old. Did you know that the day you turn 6 years old, you wake up much taller, bigger, and faster?? I had no idea.. but it's the truth! Or so I'm told by our very proud six year old.

Toby loved his poke-ball minion cake and lynchee drinks for his birthday

And then there has been a ton of cuteness and pure adorableness going on around these parts. I am so proud of all of our boys. It has been a tough adjustment the past 6 months. But things are starting to settle out. Jesse Jay is learning how to be a little brother and how to share better. Toby's tenacity and ability to persevere in hard times is absolutely amazing. And Noah.. goodness. He can't help but be absolutely 1000% adorable 24/7.

The 3 littlest Maddux's walking to school

Feeding baby goats

Noah showing off his "Chopsticks Face"

We would appreciate your continued prayers for our family. I (Sarah) have been dealing with thyroid issues the past few months, and it has been a challenge to say the least. Some of our adoption adjustments were complicated by my own recent and sudden health issues-- many stemming from my thyroid going "out of whack." Basically, I have learned that I have an autoimmune condition where antibodies attack my thyroid and cause nodules, and when I am under great stressors this is likely to happen off an on, until my thyroid officially fizzles out (sometime years from now). I am taking steps to get healthier and will soon be starting an anti-inflammatory diet that I have great hope in will soon have me feeling better.

The Maddux Family

The Teacup Story

Throughout this entire process of adoption and working through attachment, this story has been near and dear to my heart. There have been moments that are downright uncomfortable, agonizing, and painful. We have begged and pleaded for an end to our misery.

But God was clear. Not yet.

We have had to remind ourselves that God IS working in our lives. When we have been in the kiln, and the fumes were suffocating and all hope seemed loss, he has been faithful and so near to us.

Over the past few weeks, we are starting to see glimpses of the work he is doing in all of us—and gosh, it is so beautiful! It brings tears to my eyes. Things are slowly and steadily improving. We are smiling more. Trust is being built. Progress is being made. We are overcoming difficulties and hardships, together. There is joy in the journey again. We are becoming the kind of family that God has envisioned for us.

I love this story. And I thought it was so good, I should pass it on. Enjoy.

The Teacup Story

http://www.justbetweenus.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=96825

“Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand.” ~ Jeremiah 18:6

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone', but he only smiled, 'Not yet.'"

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'"

"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, 'Not yet.'"

"Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better', I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'"

"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.'"

Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and I couldn't believe it was me. 'It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.'"

"'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you would have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'"

 

Post-Adoption Depression/Anxiety

 
I’ve been silent. Because I haven’t known what to say. Things have been difficult for our family.

We have had some absolutely breath-taking, beautiful, and wonderful moments. And we have had some soul-sucking, difficult ones. It’s often felt like we are yo-yo’s. Except for the up’s and the down’s, aren’t always as predictable.

Language barriers are difficult. Cultural differences are complex. Kameron’s English has been progressing rapidly. He understands so much more than he speaks right now. Google translate is needed rarely. But there are still lots of misunderstandings we all encounter.

We have all made mistakes along the road. God has been faithful and used these as opportunities for growth. For all of us.

But growing, adjustments, and learning are hard. And it hurts. A lot.

Let’s be honest, we have ZERO experience parenting a teenager. That alone comes with challenges we wouldn’t know to expect or how to prepare for until we were there. And here we are.

The boys’ relationships continue to grow and make progress. But it has been hard won. Navigating this has been certainly challenging. Especially with two incredibly head-strong oldest children. Our 7 year old has had to learn how to be a “younger brother.” This wasn’t a role he was born into. Despite his excitement to no longer be the oldest, it has required much from him, and learning to be a younger brother has been especially tough for him.

Jesse and I had been pouring so much into our children. And we got tired. Exhausted. We literally got to the point of having nothing more to give.

I’ll be honest with you all—I wanted to give up. This road has been challenging and hard. I was incredibly down-hearted, because I just couldn’t keep going on like I was. Our family couldn’t move forward. We were stuck. I couldn’t figure out how to put one foot in front of the other.

Then, God opened a door. I started learning more of something I had heard of could occur, before we adopted. Post-adoption depression/anxiety. Suddenly, everything I was feeling, had a name. And it is not an uncommon phenomenon.

I’ve struggled to say anything. Because I was deeply ashamed and embarrassed. But I realized, something I have often said to any patient struggling with the same problem, “you shouldn’t be ashamed. It is not like you CHOSE this!” But there I was—feeling ashamed of it. Keeping it secret. Hoping it would go away. Trying to pray it away.

And yet, it stays. No amount of prayer, reading of the Bible or “giving it to God” has definitively stopped the tightness in my chest, the palpitations, the occasional days of melancholy, the constant return of “feeling on edge” (also known as the pesky fight or flight reflex), or any of the other somatic symptoms that come with the feelings of anxiety or depression.

We hit rock bottom. And more specifically, I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t cope with the challenges we were facing and couldn't bear it for another moment. I had lost the joy and couldn’t seem to find even a faint glimmer of hope in what we had felt so clearly, that God had called us to.

I didn’t know what to do. But I knew we needed help. Which required something of me that I really don’t like doing. I had to ask for help. Because I couldn’t do this on my own. We have since reached out. To our medical providers, adoption agency, employers, family, church, and friends in our community.

And dear loved ones, you have responded with such amazing grace! We have had multiple friends, family, and co-workers-- call, text, and check in with us. Offer a smile. Or a cookie. Or a coffee. People have helped us with freezer meals so we could re-plan, refocus on meeting our own needs without the burden of daily dinner planning. We have had people help with the boys and love on them, just so we could focus on getting us back on track. We have since come to grasp the greatness and vastness of our resources and used this time to do better and be better, purposefully. Thank you to all of you seems hardly sufficient. We have been overwhelmed by the show of support for our family.

And something as equally amazing happened. People have responded with LOVE. Instead of what I had expected, judgement. My own thoughts drifted to, “well didn’t you KNOW this could happen? You work in medicine for goodness sakes!”

Burn out is real. We can get so busy caring for others that we stop caring for ourselves. And it can happen so subtly at first. Sometimes, you won’t even recognize it’s happening. It seems like such a simple notion that “you cannot put on oxygen mask on others, till you have yours on first.” But there I found myself—placing oxygen masks on everyone else—it’s no wonder I couldn’t breathe.

While I am not “cured”, we are certainly rehabilitating and making progress.  We are seeing the joy in the journey again. We are all doing better. There are still hard days. Hard moments. But we are moving forward again.

We are no longer cocooning. Some have asked what they can do to help us. I would first ask that you continue to pray for our family. Our prayer is that our family wouldn’t simply “survive” but rather that we would “thrive” again.

Also, continue to check in on us. (So many of you do this, and I have appreciated it so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!) We are ready for people to start coming over from time to time. We could certainly use the smiles, conversation, etc. Please continue to speak kindness and words of truth to our boys. It really does take a village.

Lastly, please be kind and supportive. It is incredibly difficult for me to be this open about how I have been struggling. I feel God pushing me to say something about it. Because I know I am not alone. This phenomenon is actually, incredibly common. And if this post helps ONE person know that they are not alone, then it has done its purpose.

Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful thing. It certainly has its own unique joys and challenges. What I have learned is the true value and importance of self-care and recognizing the symptoms of burn-out early on so you can get help and on a healthier path.

I have included some websites if you wish to look more into post-adoption depression and anxiety more:

1.       https://www.adoptionstogether.org/blog/2013/01/07/why-arent-i-happy-recognizing-post-adoption-depression-syndrome/

2.       https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-bonding-home/post-adoption-depression/

3.       http://adoption.com/post-adoption-depression

Thank you for the love and kindness in advance. And to those who struggle too, know you are not alone.

 

Kameron's First Week of School

As many of you know, Kameron started his first week of school on Tuesday!! He has enjoyed being in school a lot! Today, he conquered figuring out how to do his locker combination on his own and was quite proud of himself. Me too, buddy! It took me way longer than 4 days to master the locker combination!

The first day, I was able to pick him up after school. The first thing he said, "Mom!! I made two friends! I shared my candy with them." This boy has middle school figured out on day one! :)

Kameron's first day of school in America 2/2/2016

We have had a lot of firsts the past few weeks, more than just school. We took Kameron to his first Chinese Buffet in Boise (we were told by one of the local university students  from China that it had the closest thing to authentic Chinese food as there got). Kameron ate 5 plates and was absolutely stuffed!

Then, we conquered our first birthday parties. Kameron broke open the birthday pinata. And enjoyed himself. It is so wonderful to see him feeling safe and adventurous!

Kameron (and our other boys) have absolutely amazed me, Each week is better and better. Kameron conquered the first week of school, has made friends, loves his new minion lunchbox, and is being more and more helpful around the house. He is embracing his role as big brother and sibling relationships and their bonding is starting to show some progress. Praise the Lord!

Kameron learning English on Daddy's iPad (he impressively self-directs himself on this task. His English is continually improving and he is doing far better than I expected home 10 weeks!)

Kameron and Aunt Kimmie playing Uno. He is amazing at this game! We may (or may not) have played so many games that it is starting to wear out-- we just got it at Christmas.

Thank for the extra prayers this week, the encouragement, and support! School has been a HUGE blessing to us and while we navigate the adjustments, God has been good and faithful to us all!

Good News! Kameron starts school on Tuesday!

Today was our BIG meeting with the school to further discuss Kameron's grade placement in public school. It has been a longer and more frustrating process than we had EVER anticipated. We did our homework well before ever bringing Kameron home. What we were told to expect and what actually occurred, were two very different things. There have been a lot of discussions, research, tears and frustration. But despite it all, Kameron's resolve to go to school has persisted.  

This morning's meeting went very well. Each side heard one another out, compromises were made, and it was a friendly and upbeat meeting. Which, when you are prepared to battle, is a nice and unexpected pleasantry.

All of us (from the school administrators to Kameron himself) are happy with the decision. With the information we have, it is likely the best placement we can make-- all things considered.

On Tuesday, Kameron will start his first day of 7th grade at our local middle school. He is thrilled and so are we. He will start a staggered (late start) schedule this quarter and will be placed in classes that are built to help him have the most resources and be the most successful. We were pleased at how much consideration the school and principal (and district) have made to do what is best for Kameron and is most likely to set him up for success.

So we are all quite excited over here! Praise God for resolution and the ability to now move forward! Now we shop for school supplies, first day of school clothes, and start explaining American school system things like "you have to raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom" (instead of just going).

We expect there to be some fatigue on Kameron's part, and some discomforts as we all adjust to new schedules and school. We ask for continued prayers for our family as we embrace ONE MORE adjustment (but seriously guys, when is our life EVER calm and tame?!?)

And, as a side note, I have to brag on Kameron a bit. I was NEARLY IN TEARS last night, when he read me one of Noah's books in English. It was basic, but he was READING ENGLISH, ya'll!! He has been home 9 weeks today. I was blown away by this boys brilliance!

And big thank you's to our friends and family who have helped support us through all of this. (and especially YOU, Mr. Minion! :) -- you know who you are) Thank you for the prayers. We serve a big God who is always good. And we are praising him! Today has been a very GOOD day.

Growth and Roadblocks

This past week Kameron made a big announcement to us. He said "Mom, dad I want to go to school like my brothers do!" We had told him prior, that if he wanted to go to public school, to let us know. At the time of him first coming home, he loved the idea of daddy homeschooling him. But he misses the structure of school like he had in China. We told him we would look into it the next week, but we wanted him to be absolutely sure he wanted to try and wouldn't change his mind. His resolve on this has persisted. Despite the unexpected storms we have run into. So we started the process to get him enrolled.

We have hit some pretty harsh roadblocks. We had hoped to enroll him near grade level where he was in China. But are being told that it isn't possible-- that he must be placed in 8th grade, no matter what. The difficult thing here-- this isn't a consistent rule around the country nor in our own state or within schools within our same district. We are trying to do our best to advocate for Kameron. And it has been frustrating and exhausting. Please pray for us as we do our best to advocate for Kameron's education.

Kameron had a good week. We are seeing such continual progress. All of the boys have settled down a bit more and are feeling more comfortable around one another. I am personally praising God for this. We had a hard morning today-- but for the most part it was rather mild, and I can see such GROWTH from where we have come. It was also the first time that both Jesse and I felt courageous. That WE have GOT this. And that we had faith in our strength and resolve to weather the hard stuff. God has certainly proven he is near, good, and faithful to all of us.

Today, Jesse Jay and Toby were thrilled to get actual haircuts from a professional-- and not mom! They were patiently waiting to see Ms. Dawn again. Because, well, mommy just doesn't do as good of a job. They were thrilled and they look so daper!

The boys continue with their bonding and understanding of one another. It has been tiring being constant referee's (for Jesse and I) between sibling relationships. But we are seeing more kindness and regard for one another, which is HUGE! The little brothers are pretty smitten and obsessed with Kameron. They are constantly mimicking him. They want to be JUST like him. Which, can be overwhelming. But their love for one another is obvious.

We were told in China that Kameron loves basketball. He has refused to go play since we have been home. He has been feeling more adventurous these days and loves shooting hoops at the school in our backyard now. It has been great finding an active outlet for his energy, that he enjoys.

Please continue with your prayers and encouragement for our family. We are sincerely hoping we will have these details about school settled for Kameron as soon as possible. We have an important meeting on Tuesday afternoon that we are sincerely hoping brings clarity, and the best outcome possible for our boy for his education.