Cocooning

Dear Family and Friends,

As we settle in to life at home, we are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. Family has always been important to us. We are so fortunate to have such loving, involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown to us as we have made this journey. We're thrilled about bringing our new child home! We've done a lot of reading, research and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel prepared to help our child become a well-adapted member of our family.

There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that our son needs a specific type of environment and parenting when he first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when he gets home. These include how much nurturing our child received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care and our child's unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers our boy has ever known.

Adoption is a traumatic and scary event for any age child whether they are newborn or 13 years old. They're being removed from all of their routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help our child feel safe and learn that we are his parents, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.

At the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Our child needs to learn that we're the parents. He needs to feel nurtured and safe. He will not be used to having parents to love and care for him. 

Therefore, for awhile, we may seem anti-social. We won't be going to church for a few weeks or spending much time with friends. Our job, during this season, is to bunker down and spend a lot of time as a family. To help Kameron bond and properly attach. As well as to help establish who the caregivers are for Kameron. And whom he needs to rely on to meet his needs.

We ask if you bring by meals, that you not stay too long. It's ok to smile and wave at Kameron but we ask that you not hug him just yet, till he is firmly attached. Again, this is not meant to push you away, but to ensure that Kameron attaches properly to our family. Attachment can be a fragile thing, and we want him to feel safe and secure in our family.

We also ask that you not come over unannounced. We know how exciting it is to finally have Kameron home. And that so many of you are aching to meet him. We get it! But for awhile, the only people that he will interact with, will be us for a few weeks or months (or longer-- it depends on how well things are going). This is important to help build a sense of safety and security in our family.

Continued prayers, love, well wishes and encouragement are appreciated. These are often the hardest weeks and months as we are on 24/7. When you add jet lag, sleep deprivation, travel, tummy's adjusting to new foreign foods, and navigating new relationships with brothers-- it can get difficult and tiresome.

Things, however, seem to be going well! Our biggest difficulty right now is sleep. We have 3 little boys who are having the hardest time sleeping! They have been waiting for a YEAR for their new brother to come home, and relaxing to sleep at night is just nearly impossible for them. And we have one teenager, who LOVES sleep, but is (as we all have) having difficulty adjusting to a very different time zone. Right now-- there are 4 of us awake since 4 am!

If you have questions, please feel free to ask us. We will try and answer them as time and ability allows. As you can imagine, we are quite busy chasing 4 boys now and are enjoying getting to know one another.

If you would like more information on cocooning, we encourage you to read Dr. Karyn Purvis's Book, The Connected Child. Or click here for more information on the book/techniques.

We Are Home!!

Last night, a little after 10 pm, we arrived safe and sound (and sane) in Boise! All 3 of us were so glad to finally make it home! After 4 flights, 4 security checks, and 36 hours of travel we were ready to be HOME at last! Thanksgiving, is an extra special day for us, because a year ago that day-- we had first learned of Kameron's story and felt the calling to be his family. What a great day to bring him HOME!

We landed in San Francisco (from a 12 hour Hong Kong flight) with a 2 hour layover. This is where Kameron became a US Citizen! We thought 2 hours would be plenty of time (and thankfully, it was just ENOUGH time) but with all the immigration paperwork we had for Kameron, by the time we sat at our gate, they were calling us to board. And would you believe it, our flight to Portland left EARLY. Hallelujah!

Kameron and Jesse at the San Francisco Airport. Just after he became a US citizen!

Luckily, despite being re-routed, we were able to sit all together for each of our flights. We landed in Portland, on time, and found our next gate. We explained to Kameron that we had ONE more flight left, and when we arrived, there would be LOTS of people awaiting us outside of security. He looked nervous about that. We wondered how he would handle it when we arrived and he saw that BIG group of people.

Kameron and Jesse did a lot of this (sleeping) on the plane.

When we arrived in Boise, there was a small amount of snow (Kameron got to touch his first snow!) and a HUGE group of family and friends awaiting us outside the security gate. And it was absolutely WONDERFUL! Kameron handled it flawlessly! He didn't seem as nervous as we had expected. He was READY to meet his brothers! Once we were past the point were they could run up to us, the boys pounced on all 3 of us!

Kameron intercepted and hugged on Noah, first. Mom got Toby (he ran the fastest). And Jesse Jay got Daddy. Then we all got turns with one another. Kameron, jokingly (he has a fantastic sense of humor) tried to put Toby in the garbage can in the airport. That had everyone laughing! We were SO happy to be see them and to finally be home! Then we saw my sister Kimmie, my mom and dad, and so many friends who love and support us.

Thank you to everyone who came out, despite the snow and the late hour. It meant so much to see you all and to feel your love and support!

After we collected our bags (they had ALL made it and I was shocked and relieved!) we drove home together as a family. It's been interesting, teaching Kameron some things that are different here in America-- like seat belts. Not a thing in China, but a definite thing he has to do here! Hearing our boys giggle in the back of the SUV together... gaw.. does life get any better than that?!?

This morning, we sadly had to say goodbye to my parents who helped watch our boys while we were away in China. Dad had them the entire time. Grandma came out this week to help out, make Thanksgiving Dinner (Mmmm.. leftovers) and help get the house in shape. It was SO wonderful coming home to a clean house, well taken care of boys, and Thanksgiving leftovers. Thanks Grandma & Grandpa Arendt for all you do for us!

Grandpa & Grandma Arendt, the Maddux Boys and Jesse

Thank you also to Katie and Kimmie who helped with the boys and getting the house clean, as well as our friends and the boys teachers who made sure the boys at home got love and support while we were away in China!

This morning, we are spending time together. Opening gifts from China, playing games, and getting to know one another and what a forever family really looks like. And, of course, recovering from jet lag. Mom had coffee (it has NEVER tasted so good!) and pumpkin pie for breakfast. Yay for Thanksgiving!

We will be posting more on cocooning soon. This is the method we will be using to help Kameron attach to us and help him to understand what a forever family really means.

Some people have asked what they can do to help. We would love it if some people would sign up to bring us meals next week and the week following, as I return to work on Tuesday. It would be one less thing for Jesse and I to have to worry about as we focus on bonding and attachment these next 6-8 weeks (or longer, it just depends on how long it takes)-- this will be our biggest priority and focus in these coming weeks.

If you are interested in helping by bringing us a meal, you can sign-up here:  http://www.TakeThemAMeal.com

Recipient Last Name: Maddux    Password: meals

Thank you, Sarah LeBaron for setting this up for our family!

Right now, the boys are enjoying spending a lot time with their new brother. As we spend LOTS of time at home, they might get a bit of cabin fever and want to go out and spend time with their friends from time to time. We will let you know when they are ready. But this will be for Toby and Jesse Jay only.

Thank you for your love, prayers, encouragement and support! We are so happy to be home TOGETHER!

We Missed our Connection in Hong Kong...

As the title suggests, and as we had feared might happen, we missed our connecting flight here in Hong Kong. The good news is, we made it safe, and have since been re-routed. Unfortunately, that means we won't be home till late Thanksgiving Day.

So, for those of you who want to meet us at the Boise airport, we are scheduled to arrive on 11/26/15 at 10:06 pm MST. We have heard there may be snow. We just ask you please BE SAFE. 

For those who need the flight information or wish to follow along... We leave here, Hong Kong, at 6:45 pm. Which is roughly, 4 hours from now.

Our flights are: 

-- CX 892 (Hong Kong to San Francisco, leaves 18:45 and arrives at 14:45)

-- AS 387 (San Francisco to Portland, OR, leaves 16:50 and arrives 18:30)

-- AS 3479 (Portland to Boise, leaves 20:00 and arrives 22:06 pm)

So to recap what happened since we last updated:

Kameron got his Visa on schedule! We said goodbye to our two guides, Aron and Miko, in Guangzhou.

(Jesse, Kameron and Miko saying goodbye at the Guangzhou Airport)

 We got to our gate early and everything seemed to be running on time. Until it wasn't. Not only did we board late, but for whatever reason, Hong Kong delayed our departure/entry even further. The entire 1 hr and 20 minutes we had to get to our connecting flight in Hong Kong.

(Jesse, Sarah and Kameron waiting to board our flight to Hong Kong)

When we landed, there was a very nice lady from Dragon Air awaiting us who explained we had missed our flight completely! Mom's biggest worry had come true, and pretty soon I was in massive tears. She explained we had been re-routed (good news!!), but mom was too distraught to hear her. Luckily, Jesse listened to her details and had us follow her to get our new tickets and some lunch vouchers. Kameron held my hand as we went to the transfer desk.

As we sat and waited for our new itinerary, Kameron and I spoke via Google Translate. I explained, "Mommy cried because we missed our flight. We are getting new flights. Mommy really misses brothers." He understood. He said, "Me too. I miss brothers too." And that warmed my heart. And, we got a brand new video from the boys at home  just at that moment! That really seemed to ease our aching hearts.

After some lunch, we are all feeling better and are prepping for the next connection here in a few hours.

Please pray for safe travels and that we make our connecting flights! We miss our boys terribly!

Touring Guangzhou, Bonding, and Consulate Appointment

As we all have settled into our new city of Guangzhou and have learned our way around, we all have relaxed immensely. And we have seen many moments of bonding! We have thoroughly enjoyed our time here in Guangzhou!

On Sunday evening, Kameron got a big kick watching mom and dad wash socks and underwear in the bathtub. We have never had to do this before. Kameron is actually quite experienced in the art. But watching mom and dad do it (Im sure not quite how he is used to it) was certainly entertaining!

(Hearing Kameron giggle as we do bathtub laundry... It was well worth it!)

The next morning, we all seemed to be in much better spirits. There were lots of beautiful moments of bonding. 

(Watching the koi in the pond at our hotel. He seemed to warm up a bit more.)

(Running up ornate hotel staircases with dad at the Garden Hotel.)

(And piggy back rides. Goodness, aren't these two so sweet? Watching these two bond and grow closer has been my absolute favorite thing of the entire trip!)

After getting a lazy start to our Monday, and getting to sleep in a bit, we went to the Guangzhou Zoo. We toured the zoo by something like a large golf cart and saw all kinds of animals. Of course we saw Giant pandas, red pandas, tigers, giraffes and multiple monkeys (because they are Kameron's favorites). The Guangzhou Zoo is quite large. Certainly much larger than the Boise Zoo we are used to!

(On the cart, ready to experience the Guangzhou Zoo!)

(Kameron studying the map, to decide what he wanted to see the most-- The racoon and the monkeys. We thought a racoon in the zoo was quite funny! They are pests where we come from!)

(Some of the giraffe's at the Guangzhou Zoo.)

After a hot, but very fun trip to the zoo, we had a few hours to relax. Kameron really likes Dad's boots and wants a pair. No they aren't cool (he said this) but none the less, he wants a pair! He likes to put on Dad's boots and laughs as he walks around in his oversized shoes. We laughed hysterically, when he put on my shoes and they fit him PERFECTLY. Goodness gracious!

(Wearing dad's big boots. And snuggles.... These two are laughing SO hard!)

Monday evening, we got to experience the Pearl River Dinner Boat Cruise that had pretty authentic Chinese food. We had been cautioned, that in mainland China.. waiting your turn in line isn't really a thing here. In fact, if you leave any room in or around you (like even in the airport security que) MANY people are suddenly in front of you. 

(Jesse & Kameron awaiting for our boat to arrive at the port dock.)

So imagine, what getting food at a dinner boat cruise is like in China. If you guessed mass chaos with no sense of a direction? You would be correct! And this was an oval-shape oriented buffet! Oy vey! The food was good. Lots of noodles, pork bun, rice, and many meats. They also offered chicken feet. I couldn't do it. Kameron LOVES them. And I.. Well, I couldn't watch.... :)

(Picture 1. Jesse & Kameron on the dinner boat cruise. Picture 2. Kameron and Sarah on the dinner boat cruise. Our first selfie.. And he smiled!)

After dinner, we went to the top deck to see the lights and other boats on Pearl River.

Then, there was a magician. And Kameron loves magic tricks! She was pretty amazing:

(Picture 1. The lady magician was excellent at balancing an umbrella. Picture 2. She could endlessly roll a tennis ball on the edge of her umbrella)

She had Kameron help with one of her acts. He had to cut a red rope 4x and was amazed at how she had it perfectly back together, no cuts in it, in the end. The pink balloon poodle was his gift from her for being such a good sport. I was a bit teary eyed, because our shy boy was being so brave to do this! We are with a lot of great families here in Guangzhou. So many told him "good job!" And gave him high fives. We were incredibly proud of him.

After a full and wonderful Monday, we went to bed early. Because Tuesday (today) was our Consulate Appointment. And we had to be up a bit earlier than Kameron typically gets up. We all got up easily and got ready faster than our "China usual." We were all pumped and ready to do this final step.

(Up and ready for CA: Consulate Appointment Day. Complete with morning snuggles.)

There we are, ready to go into the Consulate of the United States of America. We were not allowed cell phones or electronics (not even digital watches) of any kind inside the consulate. Once inside: we had our oath taking, paperwork checking (I was sweating bullets! We had been warned to check our papers in province for any error, even a single number off--  or we would have to return to province if anything was incorrect. Oh man did they check! Over and over. My heart stopped twice when the gentleman at the consulate hesitated) and Kameron and Jesse and I had our interviews. It went well. And the nice man doing the interview was very funny, which helped lighten the formality of it all.

After we were done at the Consulate, we got to tour the Chen Ancesteral Hall. I loved this place! Such a gorgeous ornate place with calligraphy artists and any classic Chinese souvenir you could want. Kameron's favorite was the hand print artist and finding ornaments for each member of our family for the Christmas tree!

(The Chen Ancesteral Hall in Guangzhou)

(The entrance is guarded by two of these lions, which are much older than the house itself.)

(Us in front of the Chen Ancestral Hall. It is very sunny and hot here, like in the 80's, in Guangzhou. Our guide says they have "maybe 10 cold days a year." Total. It never snows here. Kameron is excited to see snow for the first time in Idaho!)

After a very busy day, we had an amazing dinner of noodles, quail eggs, buckwheat tea, potato balls and dumplings at the Jui Mao Jiu Noodle and Dumpling House. The noodles were very fresh. And the food impressively good! I've had lots of dumplings in China now, but this place had the best! Kameron liked it too. His only complaint, despite our waitresses concerns of our tolerance level, is "not spicy enough!" Our Yunnan boy, loves spice!

Afterwards, we went to a nearby store and got our boy some Chinese snacks. He asked that I take a picture. So here you have it. Kameron's snack pile:

I have to say, our boy is so sweet! He loves the little children around us. Babies and toddlers especially. He loves to feed them, play with, and hold them. We have been the lone family with our agency in Guangzhou at the Consulate Phase (and there are 14 families of us) adopting someone older than 5 years old. But Kameron doesn't mind it one bit! He loves helping with the babies and has helped us and other families navigate restaurant ordering, Chinese airports, vending machine problems, and store  shopping! He really is a remarkable young man!

Tomorrow is our last full day here in Guangzhou, which we will try and absorb every last moment of China we can! Then Thursday morning, very early, we leave for the airport in Guangzhou. We have an incredibly tight layover in Hong Kong (1 hr 20 minutes --If we arrive on schedule) and Chinese Airlines don't seem to run on time often! We have been told we may need to run to make our very long international connection in Hong Kong to the US. So please be praying for this! We are all aching to get home safe and on time to be with our boys at home! Kameron is asking constantly about when we can go home. We are all ready for home!

The good news is the TB test is negative! If this had been positive, it could have delayed us 1-2  more weeks! Tomorrow afternoon, God willing, we will have his Visa in our hands (the very last step before we get to travel home) and we will prepare to fly out the very next morning.

We have met many remarkable fellow adoptive families and formed what I know will be lifelong friendships. Our time here has been a big adventure!

Guangzhou and Grief

This post was more difficult for me to write. And really, its harder to know where to begin as there are some really good parts and some definite hard parts. Adoption is like that. There are such beautiful and affirming moments, that take your breath away. But to be an orphan comes with brokeness.

Kameron is a really great kid. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know him. And this whole process has been going much better than we expected. We prepared for Kameron to grieve. But we saw no signs of it. That is, until we left Kunming.

After traveling to a new city in China he has never been to (Guangzhou), then first thing the following morning-- a doctors appointment with 3 required shots, followed by mom leaving without him to grab some take out for dinner.. Our sweet boy fell apart. And it was rough, for all of us.

Now, I have to stop here and say that Jesse.. did amazing. He was very calm and loving with him during a very difficult time. It made me fall in love with him, all over again. We reached out to our guide, trusted friends who have walked this road before, and prayed a ton.

This morning, started out rough as well. At breakfast, mom couldnt contain her frustration anymore, and cried. It had been rough for all of us. 

Soon after breakfast, he started relaxing a bit more. He started being his happy and playful self again. Grief is hard. You don't always know how or when it will show it's face. And sometimes, its out of nowhere and very sudden.

Then we were taken by our guides to the Pearl and Jade Market. It was a huge, multilevel mall that sold jewels of all kinds. It was interesting, seeing so many booths filled with families pouring tea, eating meals, as they manned their shop.

The multiple levels at the Liwan Market. And lots of escalators (which Kameron loves and we rode lots of).

Jesse and Kameron at the Pearl Store. They would sell you strands of many different kinds of pearls. It was a bit overwhelming, the amount of choices there were!

Then, our boy insisted on buying mom a gift. He had seen my wallet and found a perfect accessory for it. He was so delighted when he asked, "do you like it?" And I said, "I do! Very much so!"

Kameron's gift for mom. A butterfly. 

Then we went to Shamian Island. What a neat place that is! We did even more shopping and gift finding there. We were thrilled with our finds there! Kameron found more gifts. This time for his brothers and for his daddy...

The necklace he gave Jesse has a special circle that means "happy family." And yes, that's Jesse in a tuxedo t-shirt. He wore it to get Kameron to smile today. Kameron liked it a lot.

Shamian Island was full of people taking pictures with multiple statues like this.

Shamian Island. Complete with a Starbucks. Jesse and Kameron await their order.

Multiple views from Shaiman Island in Guangzhou. This is the Pearl River. This city is the 3rd largest city in China. You can drive nearly 2 hours and still be in Guangzhou.

Kameron trying some of dad's grapefruit soda. Soda (and chocolate) is less sweet here than in America.

Watching the koi at the koi pond.

There were lots of model photoshoots. I snapped this picture because people sometimes give US odd looks. I can't remember the last time I walked around wearing wings and had handlers... :)

Then we had lunch at Lucy's. Which is pretty much a China Adoption right of passage. They had good western food and Chinese food options. Kameron loved their spicy chicken wings and seafood soup. Jesse got chicken tenders and I got fish and chips. We resumed our typical family style of eating, where we each order something, and share.

After a busy day of sightseeing and some shopping, Kameron was elated to go to the Toy Market with his daddy and another adoptive family who also had adopted their daughter from Kunming. The two of them came back with an impressive amount of toys for very cheap. And to see them talk about the place and how amazing (and inexpensive) it was.. We could tell it was an excellent choice, and really helped us see more of Kameron (and Daddy's) love of play and bonding.

So now, Im sipping oolong tea in our hotel.. watching my two guys in China play and build Lego's together. And I'm feeling incredibly blessed.

And speaking of this hotel.. It's beautiful and ginormous...

Thank you for your prayers, warm wishes, kind words and encouragement. And please, keep them coming! They have helped keep us going through struggles with grief, jet lag, and missing our 3 boys at home (like crazy).

Boys... Only 4 more sleeps! :)