Cocooning

Dear Family and Friends,

As we settle in to life at home, we are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. Family has always been important to us. We are so fortunate to have such loving, involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown to us as we have made this journey. We're thrilled about bringing our new child home! We've done a lot of reading, research and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel prepared to help our child become a well-adapted member of our family.

There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that our son needs a specific type of environment and parenting when he first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when he gets home. These include how much nurturing our child received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care and our child's unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers our boy has ever known.

Adoption is a traumatic and scary event for any age child whether they are newborn or 13 years old. They're being removed from all of their routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help our child feel safe and learn that we are his parents, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.

At the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Our child needs to learn that we're the parents. He needs to feel nurtured and safe. He will not be used to having parents to love and care for him. 

Therefore, for awhile, we may seem anti-social. We won't be going to church for a few weeks or spending much time with friends. Our job, during this season, is to bunker down and spend a lot of time as a family. To help Kameron bond and properly attach. As well as to help establish who the caregivers are for Kameron. And whom he needs to rely on to meet his needs.

We ask if you bring by meals, that you not stay too long. It's ok to smile and wave at Kameron but we ask that you not hug him just yet, till he is firmly attached. Again, this is not meant to push you away, but to ensure that Kameron attaches properly to our family. Attachment can be a fragile thing, and we want him to feel safe and secure in our family.

We also ask that you not come over unannounced. We know how exciting it is to finally have Kameron home. And that so many of you are aching to meet him. We get it! But for awhile, the only people that he will interact with, will be us for a few weeks or months (or longer-- it depends on how well things are going). This is important to help build a sense of safety and security in our family.

Continued prayers, love, well wishes and encouragement are appreciated. These are often the hardest weeks and months as we are on 24/7. When you add jet lag, sleep deprivation, travel, tummy's adjusting to new foreign foods, and navigating new relationships with brothers-- it can get difficult and tiresome.

Things, however, seem to be going well! Our biggest difficulty right now is sleep. We have 3 little boys who are having the hardest time sleeping! They have been waiting for a YEAR for their new brother to come home, and relaxing to sleep at night is just nearly impossible for them. And we have one teenager, who LOVES sleep, but is (as we all have) having difficulty adjusting to a very different time zone. Right now-- there are 4 of us awake since 4 am!

If you have questions, please feel free to ask us. We will try and answer them as time and ability allows. As you can imagine, we are quite busy chasing 4 boys now and are enjoying getting to know one another.

If you would like more information on cocooning, we encourage you to read Dr. Karyn Purvis's Book, The Connected Child. Or click here for more information on the book/techniques.