What China Taught Us

I have had China deeply on my heart ever since our plane first landed in Hong Kong. We immensely enjoyed our time there and it taught Jesse and I so much. I have felt a tug on my heart to share these lessons with you all, our prayer and encouragement warriors.

1.       Lesson #1—We in America live a life in abundance.

Literally, we own and have so much stuff here in the US compared to other countries, that the differences were absolutely astonishing! Our house in America, is nothing short of a mansion in China. In China, families consisting of grandparents, parents, and 1-2 kids are raised in a 2 bedroom 600 square foot apartment. You are considered “wealthy” if you own your own (single automobile per family) car or a scooter. Aside from a few basic needs like food and clothing, most children are “lucky” if they have a few toys of their own.

Our guide in province told us many times that it is commonly said that “the Chinese people are very poor. We have nothing.” And China, is not a 3^rd world country! Also, to “own” your home in China is really a 70 year lease issued by the Chinese government. After those 70 years are up, the People’s Republic of China decides if you keep your apartment, if your rent goes up, etc. So when leases are up, there is generally a lot of stress and uncertainty for the entire family line. In China, homes are generally passed down to the next generation and whole families often live together—until the time limit is up.

2.       Lesson #2—Access to Emergent Health Care is not necessarily universally available.

We learned in China, that if you are ill or have an emergent/life threatening condition, it is generally required for you to pay up front those costs prior to being taken care of. As in, if Jesse or I had developed appendicitis in China, they generally require some costs (and sometimes full payment) upfront before proceeding with the life-saving procedure. However, this also varies by location and province. Which brings us to lesson #3.

3.       Lesson #3—Policy/expectations and procedures not only vary from province to province, but sometimes city to city, or from moment to moment.

Prior to coming to China, we were told that we would likely be able to meet up with our son’s foster family if we requested to do so ahead of time. This was good valid information from other adoptive (recent) momma’s who had also adopted from China.

However, when we asked that the foster family be invited to meet us in one of our quarterly Kameron updates, we were told “we won’t do that as to not cause unnecessary trouble for the foster family.” We thought that was an odd response. So when we arrived in Kunming, we again asked our guide (whom we developed a deep trust and respect for) and were told that it was “forbidden to meet foster parents in Kunming during the adoption process.” It is, we were told, the Kunming SWI orphanage policy. And we would have to return to China at a later date for a “heritage tour” to meet them. No other information would be given as to why. Meanwhile, a fellow Lifeline family we met while in Guangzhou, was having dinner with their daughter’s foster parents in Nanjing.

We talked to other (Kunming) adoptive parents who traveled near our travel time, who were told similar and also varying things. However, the consistent thing was none of us were able to meet with the foster parents.

There were two other adoptive couples who used other agencies than we had, with us in Kunming. They, however, got to meet with one of their foster families—but their orphanage was a couple hours away—but still in Yunnan Province. How they describe that orphanage was night and day to what we experienced in Kunming. It was very easy for us to see why Kunming was rated “in the top 3 orphanages” in all of China, after hearing these stories.

Jesse and I had committed prior to our trip to being go with the flow. Especially, while in country and traveling our very first time internationally. Thereby, embracing whatever came our way and keeping expectations in country very low. We are so glad we did that, because so much unexpected (and impossible to plan for or know ahead of time) came up—that if we had walked into these situations with pre-conceived notions, would have added unnecessary disappointment and undue stress.

4.       Lesson #4—In America, we have so much more freedom and right to privacy.

I absolutely loved our time in China. But one thing that I found peculiar, was literally EVERY street corner where we were staying, had video cameras. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Which to us American’s—who had never traveled outside of the US until this trip, was certainly sticking out like a sore thumb.

Also, every hotel we stayed at required our passport. Which was promptly photocopied and the information was sent directly to the central government in China. We had all kinds of warnings on our immigration paperwork—to “carry your passport with you at ALL times. As this may be asked of and expected of you at any time.” As well as “contact our very capable and honorable police department at XXX should we have any emergencies or concerns while in China.”

Our very first day in Guangzhou, there was an important soccer game against China and the United Arab Emirates. Our hotel was full of folks from every corner of the world. The game was played in the hotel lobby with much loudness and gusto. When Jesse took a few steps out of our hotel, and saw over 50 armed police/military personnel “at the ready” with armor and guns—he decided it was a night to stay in. And all of that over a soccer game and the potential that it “might get out of hand.” Thankfully, it never did.

5.       Lesson #5—While we certainly do things differently, at the end of the day, we have more in common than we might think.

While we may eat with forks and they tend to prefer chopsticks (though there was definitely forks in China and being utilized by every person, regardless of where they were from); We tend to have many of the same values as many of the folks we encountered and had the opportunity to develop relationships with in China. They care about their children, their culture, their homes, their families-- just like we do. How we demonstrate that, parenting “philosophies”, all vary. Just like it can family to family, child-to-child, and region to region here in America.

Communication, was certainly difficult for Jesse and I while in China. Kameron, was a HUGE help for us in country and did a pretty good job filling in the locals about what mom and dad were after, if we were struggling. Thankfully, much of communication is non-verbal and it is impressive how much a good amount of charades can help one out. Also, Pleco and Google Translate Apps came in handy when we simply needed to convey to the restaurant “take out.” But somethings translated EASILY no matter what—and that was numbers, time, and money. “5” there means “5” here. Now, “worth” certainly varies—but it was comforting to see something we recognized—because the vast amounts of Chinese characters—could be overwhelming. Those moments, we try to remember—because that is exactly how Kameron must feel now, being in America.

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In terms of how things are going here, well-- we have had our most difficult week to date. We are thankful for good friends, supportive and helpful adoptive momma's who have encouraged, and an amazing adoption agency who helps support us through it all. The good and the hard. The joys and the challenges. Please continue to pray for us. And please continue to send encouragement our way. I cannot express enough how much these things have helped sustain us through some tough times. 

There are always moments though, that are simply amazing and inspiring-- that things won't always be so difficult:

Kameron helped bathe and brush Maddy

Petting and feeding goats at the Boise Zoo

The older three boys playing at West Park

So far no appliances have broken this week. Praise the Lord! Please continue to pray for our family as we continue to navigate these waters. I will leave you with this quote that really helps express what we learned the most during our time in China:

We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – Radical by David Platt.